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Judah RayLogliner
Posted: February 1, 20172017-02-01T05:34:03+10:00 2017-02-01T05:34:03+10:00In: Comedy

?When the mellow, aging owner of a medicinal marijuana dispensary leaves his wayward son in charge of the shop, on the very day cops and criminals turn the place into a madhouse, will he side with the man who has acted like his father, or his actual blood?? ? POT SHOP by Judah Ray ?

?When the mellow, aging owner of a medicinal marijuana dispensary leaves his wayward son in charge of the shop, on the very day cops and criminals turn the place into a madhouse, will he side with the man who has acted like his father, or his actual blood?? ? POT SHOP by Judah Ray ?
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    1. dpg Singularity
      2017-02-03T02:38:33+10:00Added an answer on February 3, 2017 at 2:38 am

      “Cops and criminals” — that’s a dead-in-the-water phrase that says nothing about the ACTION, the inciting incident that triggers the resulting plot. What do the cops and criminals DO that kicks off the plot?

      >>To work for his father.

      That may be his initial goal, but after the cops and criminals do whatever they do, he must surely acquire another goal, an urgent one that becomes the backbone for the plot. ?What MUST he do when the cops and criminals do whatever they do?

      >>the shop
      That’s all? Shouldn’t the stakes escalate after the inciting incident?

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2017-02-01T09:33:46+10:00Added an answer on February 1, 2017 at 9:33 am

      What’s the inciting incident that creates the “madhouse”?
      What becomes the son’s objective goal as a result of the inciting incident?
      What’s at stake?

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