A disgraced winemaker sets out to exact revenge on the farmer he thinks sold him poisoned grapes.?
SG2210Logliner
A disgraced winemaker sets out to exact revenge on the farmer he thinks sold him poisoned grapes.
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As nicolesigaud has pointed out, there is no inciting incident in this version. Add the inciting inciting incident here and it’s a step in the right direction.
The inciting incident from your previous attempt: “When his celebrity drinkers die” played for comedy value could work really nicely. The only thing I would suggest is to up the stakes:
When he’s accused of manslaughter after an A-list celebrity dies, a disgraced winemaker plots his revenge on the farmer he believes sold him poisoned grapes.
I like the addition of the police aspect because it adds a subplot and additional antagonistic elements that could be fun exploring. It also increases the motivation for the protagonist – not only is he trying to clear his name, he’s trying to stay out of jail.
Out of curiosity, did the farmer sell him poisoned grapes? If so, why?
I did not see the inciting incident, meaning what triggered his revenge. I think parts of the first version could be used with this one to improve it.