Obsessed with causality, a mathematician creates future simulation software only for it to predict he’ll die in three days unless he is prepared to kill a complete stranger, who is somehow connected to his fate, but instead he begins falling for her
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Obsessed with causality, a mathematician creates future simulation software only for it to predict he’ll die in three days unless he is prepared to kill a complete stranger, who is somehow connected to his fate, but instead he begins falling for her
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This sounds a lot like Minority Report meets A Beautiful Mind. With this concept i’m sure the story could quickly become very convoluted so make sure that doesn’t come across in the logline. Make it simple, short and concise. try something like:
A lonely mathematician obsessed with causality creates a future simulation program only for it to predict he will die in three days unless he kills a stranger who he begins to fall for. (33 words) – This could be even tighter. Rule of thumb is if it can’t be done in 20-25 words it can’t be done in a screenplay.
Otherwise, very interesting concept and good job!
“Funnily enough, I have toyed with the idea that this is a device or application that was widely accessible. I thought it would be interesting if we could see the implications to our choices before we make them. How that technology might be abused, used or even restricted or controlled by certain members of society in order to have an advantage over another.”
That, right there sounds like an excellent idea for a sequel. Maybe in this story it’s right after the family creates the app, and then it is either stolen or someone else in the family releases it to the public for the sequel. Either way, with the proper conflict this could be a great story.
“A mother has three days to find and kill a total stranger identified by an uncannily accurate future simulation app as?triggering a chain of events that will inevitably kill her infant.”
I like this. The character is not killing just to save herself. She is killing to save her child. Something most people would do. Especially a mother.
Though, to cut down some words here’s my go:?When an uncannily accurate prediction app shows that her newborn will die in three days, a woman must kill the stranger who?triggers the chain of events which kills?her child.?(~31 words)
Or, more similar in structure to dpg’s:?A mother has three days to kill a stranger who is identified by an uncannily accurate prediction app to trigger the chain of events which kills her newborn.?(~28 words)
The title also has a nice ring to it. Actually, this version suggests that the character and the family has nothing to do with the creation of the software, that it’s just an app anyone can download. I think that would be an interesting idea to include in a story: How the world reacts when they can learn their future. Or, having more to do with destiny, if one is truly makes their own future.
A woman has three days to find and kill a total stranger identified by an uncannily accurate future simulation app as?triggering a chain of events that will inevitably kill her.
(31 words)
or
A mother has three days to find and kill a total stranger identified by an uncannily accurate future simulation app as?triggering a chain of events that will inevitably kill her infant.
(34 words)
Suggested title: ?The Killer App
Notes:
I suggest using the term “app”, not software, not program, not ?equation. ?Something she downloads on her smart phone.
I changed the protagonist to a female in my periodic pitch for more starring roles for women. ?And because if you change the stakes to her infant — well, imho, that makes for an even more compelling film because now the stakes are higher; the stakes character is more helpless, vulnerable, more an innocent victim. ?And everyone can identify with and root for motherhood, the desire to protect one’s offspring.
?I think having a female protagonist + infant as the stakes character will enhance the appeal to the female demographic.
Even in stories with villains as the protagonist, the reason the become villains is often?because of noble or sympathetic reasons. Or they go on the idea that the story is showing the villain’s side instead of the hero, meaning that it’s just a story about bad people doing bad things.
But the upcoming “Suicide Squad” makes my point. The usual villains, in exchange of early release, take up black ops missions that others will not do. They are still villains, but they are put into a familiar role: an action hero type role.
If your character started more sympathetic it would be fine. But the goal from the start is to kill a seemingly innocent woman. Because some software told him to. So if he kills her, what if he dies anyway? What did she die for? If he doesn’t kill her, would he even die at all? He is killing someone to save his own life, and he doesn’t even know truly how she?factors into his death.
If from the start the woman were a known bad guy, it would be better. He’s stopping a bad person, and he gets a benefit.
I think the failing business is far less important than preventing your death. ?It is also window dressing (I am guilty of this in my loglines).
My take on your line would be:
“A man must kill a woman identified by software as the trigger?of a chain of events that will kill him. ?Unfortunately he is falling in love with her”
Hope this helps.
Agreed with the above comments.
Also I suggest re structuring the logline to better reflect the order of events in the plot.
After he discovers he has three days to live a MC must…
I’m not sure the explanation of how he discovers his impending death needs to be in the logline, as most of the film will be about what he does in response to the discovery not the discovery itself.
>>>and must kill a woman he?s never met in three days to alter his fate
Why? Because the program’s predicts she will murder him? ?Or accidentally kill him? If so, ?I think the logline should say so. ? There needs to be a logical, causal relationship between all the elements in a logline. ?What is the causal relationship between his impending death and the woman that requires him to kill her?
Also, why not make the protagonist the ?program’s creator? While beta-testing his product, he discovers his fatal future. And specifically, he’s developed it as an app to sell and make a fortune?
“Using mysterious prediction software granted to him in his father?s will, a failing business owner discovers the day he?ll die and must kill a woman he?s never met in three days to alter his fate, only for things to become complicated when he begins to fall for her.”
Okay, good, you have a clear goal. To alter his fate. But how can we root for him if he’s killing an innocent woman just so he can live?
I think you should change the goal from killing to something else entirely. Killing someone to save one’s own life just isn’t a very sympathetic goal.
Since you include a romance angle in your logline, I shall do the same in my example.
Example:?When a prediction software he inherited from his father tells him the day he’ll die, a failing business owner must seduce a woman to have a child to alter his fate.?(~31 words)
So, good goal, but I suggest finding a different action.