[Revisedx2] For refusing to buy more catnip, a vengeful cat calls upon the dark arts to end an insensitive mother’s career.
Scott DanzigSamurai
[Revisedx2] For refusing to buy more catnip, a vengeful cat calls upon the dark arts to end an insensitive mother’s career.
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…or here is a take with the focus on the Girl as the Protag (a bit long in the word-count…):
‘A lonely young girl learns spell weaving from her magical cat in order to curse her career obsessed mother with backward speech as revenge for refusing to restock the cat?s supply of catnip.’
Anyways — just some ideas.
… but — the logical question I have after spelling out your plot points is ?– if the cat has magical abilities, why does she (the cat) require the help of a human to perform the curse..?
Hi,
I agree with what’s already been stated above — but with short films (as this one seems to be being 8 pages in length…) I think some logline rules can be fudged here and there, depending on the concept or ‘hook’… but — regardless of the film being short or feature length you need to ensure that ‘hook’ is clear as crystal, front- and- center, ?and as specific as you can be. Here — I would suggest that the ‘hook’ is that you’ve got a magical cat that plots revenge against its owner..?
Below is just my spin — I have specified that the cat is of the ‘talking’ variety to help with the logic:
‘A magical talking cat, vexed at being denied more catnip, coerces her career obsessed owner?s daughter to help curse her mother with backward speech on the day of her make-or-break presentation.’
Hope this helps and best of luck with it 🙂
This one works better than your newest revision. I think you should just simply list:
– the protagonist
– What is her flaw that makes her sympathetic?
– What is the inciting incident that kicks off the plot?
– What is the protagonist’s goal that drives the story?
– What are the obstacles that are trying to stop her?
Once you have all of these, craft your logline.?Hope this helps.
Currently the proposed story line seems to require a lot of exposition to make sense. ?And the hard reality is that attention spans are shorter these days because there are so many media outlets competing for attention. ?Viewers don’t have the time, don’t have the patience for complicated explanations, ?or lengthy set ups.
>>>And I?m wondering if the notion of a cat using magic strikes people as funny or not.
Before people can thinks it’s funny, they have to suspend disbelief and buy into the idea that a cat can cast spells. ?And my mind hasn’t cleared that hurdle.
>>a more relatable human story involving something like a tortured girl fighting back…
Yes, I ?suggest refocusing ?the story on a human character and predicament that a human audience can relate to.
I am getting a smile from this logline becomes LSD
This logline?has been re draft?three times, but still fails to describe a logical set of events that make up a clear concept.
How can a cat have a human mother? Or is the mother a cat as well? If the mother is a cat how can she work? Or is this an animal world such as in The Fantastic Mr Fox?
I get what you’re trying to do with the daughter turning herself into a cat to get back at the mother, but as previously noted the basic logic at the core of your concept isn’t clear. Secondly the stakes are low, what’s the worst that will happen should the cat/daughter fail to change the mother? She’ll resent her mother and learn to appreciate her only once she is an adult her self – just like 99% of teenagers now days? Point is, what else can you have happen that would increase the stakes for the cat/daughter?