(revision)
EethanSamurai
When a short-tempered U.S. Marshal with a longstanding grudge against sex offenders humiliates his spiteful new boss, he reluctantly agrees to protect a sadistic child molester standing trial in a hostile family suburb to save his illustrious career.
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>>> a sadistic child molester
Better:? “accused child molester”.? In the U.S. one is presumed innocent until proven guilty.
So what’s the dramatic problem other than he doesn’t like the person he’s assigned to protecting?
And the inciting incident can’t be humiliating his new boss.? The inciting incident would have to be that the accused must be protected because he’s receiving death threats.? He could get assigned the case by a spiteful boss? as a “sadistic” joke. Or get assigned the case by the luck of the draw.? Whatever, I don’t see how his relationship with his new boss rises to the level of an inciting incident.
>>> to save his illustrious career.
So the plot is all about him, his ego, his reputation.? When it should be about what he needs to do for a greater good, for law and order, for justice, for the sake of other stakeholders in the case.? I think there needs to be a compelling dramatic issue at stake other than his attitude, his ego, his paycheck.
fwiw
His short temper got him into this mess
And will test him throughout the plot, in the presence of the only thing he cannot stand (some history I guess with child molesters..)
I like this dynamic
although,
what I cannot wrap my head around is: how humiliating his spiteful boss, leads him to agree-however reluctantly-into protecting the molester……….to save his career (???) when he could simply should have asked, to be relieved of this particular duty
“When he’s forced to protect an alleged sex offender by his vindictive boss, a morally uptight U.S. Marshal reluctantly but dutifully protects his charge from an outraged populace who wish to take the law into their own hands.”?
I would point out, most movies of this nature have the two protagonists traveling to a destination. Just curious if this is the case with your script?
From your initial logline, I have inferred that the movie is an action movie rather than an introspective one room or psychological thriller.
Richiev is right, normally in that kind of movie the two protagonists are on a physical journey that mimic their personal journey. At the end they usually come to a new found respect or at least mutual understanding.
An action movie without the journey (gauntlet) unless the movie is a siege movie (instead of Assault on precinct 13 assault on suburban safe house), I can’t see how you are going to add tension.
From your initial description, I would imagine that the U.S. Marshallbe may have been affected by child molestation. Either directly as a victim or indirectly by being in contact with a victim (wife, brother best friend, daughter living step dad) or a perpetrator (dad, police partner, …).
if the movie is a confrontation between, the bad and the mob, then bad needs to get his comeuppance at the end. The vindictive boss is not really important for the grand scheme of things. He is just a plot device, So it does not need to be in the Logline.
When he is tasked to protect a repugnant child molester, a psychologically wounded U.S Marshall must ally with his charge to save themselves from a mob surrounding their suburban safe house with the intend of killing them all.
Child molestation is so gross that I am still wondering how you resolve that moral dilemma. I can only see working mutual respect if we finally discover the accused is innocent, or he did not know she/he was under age, or was genuinely in love (some US states have the Romeo and Juliet law to avoid 17 to 21 years sleeping with their 15 to 18 girlfriend/boyfriend be labelled paedophile for the rest of their life). But then it contradict your description of sadistic child molester. The other solution would be for the bad buy to get his comeuppance right at the end. Either be killed, or his escape attempt is thwarted.
I’ve actually committed to a different version of the story after extensive rewrites of the original logline which was initially a Western about a reluctant US Marshal from New York sent to capture a murderous pedophile alive. The journey of creating a story never fails to amaze.
A newer draft of the logline reads as:
A short-tempered U.S. Marshal harboring a fierce grudge against sex offenders reluctantly agrees to protect a rebellious teenager standing trial for rape and his overprotective single mother when they receive death threats in a hostile suburb.