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jaheagleLogliner
(REVISION #5) England 1963. When a na?ve teenager launches a singing career with her sister, she is overwhelmed by the seductive excesses of the Rock?n Roll lifestyle. She falls in love, loses her virginity, finds out her boyfriend is married, gets drunk, has revenge sex, ends up pregnant and has to make a difficult decision that will change her life forever.
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As in your previous loglines, most of what you have here is setting. Only at the end do we find an inciting incident that might drive the rest of the story. In other words, what happens after the singer becomes pregnant? Note, however, you should not end a logline with a decision, rather tell us what decision the MC made and what comes next.
Here are a couple of examples of where you should aim:
When a rowdy singer in a rock band becomes pregnant, she must learn to keep her mother role separate from the bad-girl role she projects on stage.
After the lead singer in a 1960’s band succumbs to pressure from the other band members to have an illegal abortion, she is left a cripple and must learn to sing from a wheel chair.