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OfficialTeneishaCampbellPenpusher
Posted: April 9, 20182018-04-09T15:44:38+10:00 2018-04-09T15:44:38+10:00In: Drama

Reworked my logline, please let me know which works best.

Almost killed, a young black Caribbean girl wants to attend college so she trades her ghetto neighborhood to live in a pristine suburb in America.

Almost killed in the concrete jungle that raised her, a young black Caribbean girl sees college as a way out, so she moves to suburbia America as an illegal immigrant.

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    1. variable Uberwriter
      2018-04-09T17:24:12+10:00Added an answer on April 9, 2018 at 5:24 pm

      1. Almost killed by whom?
      (and if she moves somewhere else it becomes her history which has no place in your logline)

      2. “To want to attend college” isn’t a goal

      3. Her trading ghetto life is an event,
      But with no implied conflict

      Now her “moving to America as an illegal immigrant” is an interesting situation…

      Personally i liked the direction we were headed in your previous thread.

      Especially Richiev’s take..

      When she moves with her stepdad in California, a spirited Caribbean runaway uses her homespun common sense and street-smarts to overcome the prejudice and stereotype she receives from an unwelcoming neighborhood.

      A journey to fit in…

      This format has scope in endless directions
      Remember Tokyo Drift? It’s the only film I was interested–plotwise–in the FNF franchise

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