Logliner
Posted: 2017-02-01T05:34:48+10:00 In:

“A man caught in the wrong place, at the wrong time, must battle unthinkable odds to deliver a package, and not miss the most rewarding moment of his life.” – ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES by Judah Ray ?

“A man caught in the wrong place, at the wrong time, must battle unthinkable odds to deliver a package, and not miss the most rewarding moment of his life.” – ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES by Judah Ray ?
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Needs more tell, less tease.

      What is the specific inciting incident ?that catches the man “in the wrong place at the wrong time”?

      And what’s at stake? ?WHY must he deliver the package battling “unthinkable odds”? ?(Better: overwhelming odds.) ?Is?”the most rewarding moment in his life” a tease about the stakes? ?Or does it refer to something else?

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    2. Singularity

      Loglines are made up of clear causally connected details, the likes of which are missing in this post.

      Descriptions such as “…unthinkable odds…” work against clarity as they are vague in nature. What is the situation that creates the unthinkable odds?

      Point is, a good logline will use clear detail to cause the reader to understand that the MC will face unthinkable odds, not state it literally in the text.

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