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AdromachadiScore
Posted: August 8, 20122012-08-08T13:12:31+10:00 2012-08-08T13:12:31+10:00In: Public

Romantic comedy about two sex craved, sex addicts are sent to camp i the mountains for their reckless behavior. After escaping, lost, hungry and horny, they are forced to confront the reality behind their addictions.

Camp: Sex Addiction

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    2 Reviews

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    1. sharkeatingman
      2012-08-08T23:05:27+10:00Added an answer on August 8, 2012 at 11:05 pm

      Try starting off with the line “After escaping…”. You should try to start loglines with active words, like “after”, “when”, “as”, etc. I personally never include the genre in the logline either, because a well-done logline shuld automatically tell you the genre. Avoid repeating words, too. “Sex” is mentioned twice, and implied three other times.

      With that in mind…
      “After escaping a psychological detox camp, two lost and horny sex addicts must rely on each other to survive the elements, while controlling their voracious- but dangerous- cravings for intimacy.”

      It’s not the best (it’s not funny enough, really), but hopefully you get the idea. I’d work on ratcheting up the irony of the situation. As a concept, I think it has potential. Good job!

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    2. 2013-01-14T23:02:45+10:00Added an answer on January 14, 2013 at 11:02 pm

      Try starting off with the line After escaping??. Good one

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