Camp: Sex Addiction
Romantic comedy about two sex craved, sex addicts are sent to camp i the mountains for their reckless behavior. After escaping, lost, hungry and horny, they are forced to confront the reality behind their addictions.
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Try starting off with the line “After escaping…”. You should try to start loglines with active words, like “after”, “when”, “as”, etc. I personally never include the genre in the logline either, because a well-done logline shuld automatically tell you the genre. Avoid repeating words, too. “Sex” is mentioned twice, and implied three other times.
With that in mind…
“After escaping a psychological detox camp, two lost and horny sex addicts must rely on each other to survive the elements, while controlling their voracious- but dangerous- cravings for intimacy.”
It’s not the best (it’s not funny enough, really), but hopefully you get the idea. I’d work on ratcheting up the irony of the situation. As a concept, I think it has potential. Good job!
Try starting off with the line After escaping??. Good one