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RheaSolarisLogliner
Posted: October 23, 20172017-10-23T20:27:39+10:00 2017-10-23T20:27:39+10:00In: Thriller

Rose evolves to have healing powers against her capability to kill using a psychological weapon, unites with the military of USA and ends terrorism, to found a better world where death doesn?t exist, for one big family called World including her clone children.

Rose evolves to have healing powers against her capability to kill using a psychological weapon, unites with the military of USA and ends terrorism, to found a better world where death doesn?t exist, for one big family called World including her clone children.
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    3 Reviews

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    1. Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
      2017-10-23T21:38:02+10:00Added an answer on October 23, 2017 at 9:38 pm

      Rhea,

      This is crazy all over the place. You need to cut and strip this down to the bare story essence.

      This story about the person Rose finding her new powers? Or do we pick up later as she develops healing? Not sure how the clones fit into the story at all.

      Trained to kill using only her mind.

      She develops healing powers.

      To fight terrorism.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2017-10-23T22:58:17+10:00Added an answer on October 23, 2017 at 10:58 pm

      >>>I thought they can make a series of movies, each chapter represents one.

      Then write the logline for the 1st one, the pilot episode.? If you can’t sell the plot for the pilot, selling the other chapters/sequels is a mute issue.

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    3. dpg Singularity
      2017-10-24T01:45:44+10:00Added an answer on October 24, 2017 at 1:45 am

      Alas, there too many balls juggling in the air for a pilot logline.? A story line for a pilot can setup several plot threads and introduce major characters, but the logline for it must focus only on answering the basic questions:

      Who is the protagonist?
      What is her primary objective goal?
      Who is her primary antagonist?

      >> that aging process has stopped,
      For whom?? The protagonist?? The world, or…? And so what?? I mean, my first read is that most people would welcome the phenom:? it’s a boon not a dramatic problem.? And the inciting incident should be an obvious problem — not an apparent boon.

      >>Nymph(Rose)
      As a general rule fictional character names should be omitted from a logline.? As a general rule, a defining characteristic and/or character flaw of the character should be included.

      >>>?using the ?psychological weapon?
      ??? I have no idea what this means.? Other than it seems to be important to the story.

      >>>and clone children safe and alive
      This could be the story hook, but as I said there are so many balls being juggled simultaneously, I don’t know which one to keep my eye on, which one is really the most important item for the pilot.

      >>>while she is working together with a demon
      WTF?? An ally???

      >>>? making love means unleashing the weapon.
      ??? What does this mean?? What is the weapon?

      Your challenge is that you are pitching a story for a complicated world that only exists in your imagination.? It’s impossible to project that imaginary world into the mind of someone else via a logline.

      Have you thought of novelizing the story first?

      fwiw

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