Penpusher
Posted: 2020-02-27T15:25:43+10:00 In:

Ruby Fox, an electrokinetic woman, has to must discover the truth of her twisted past to save her daughter, who the government claims does not exist.

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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      You have an electrokinetic woman, but the plot seems to be mundane (In the literal sense)

      It’s about a woman discovering the truth of whether her daughter exists or the government is lying… that plot doesn’t need superpowers (as written)

      If you have an electrokinetic woman, it might be good to give us a hint in the logline how those powers play into the plot. How will she use her powers?

      Finding her daughter is a great motivation for your lead character, but adding something standing in her way which only she can overcome, using her powers, would help the logline.

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    2. Logliner

      I don’t feel any urgency or pressing need from this logline. Is she saving her daughter from crappy foster parents or is the government doing something to her?? I agree with Richiev too ? what do her powers have to do with it? Does her daughter also have powers and that’s why the government is covering up her existence? This sets up and raises questions, but doesn’t lay out the main choice the protagonist needs to make or the antagonist for them to fight, so it ultimately doesn’t grab my attention enough to read the script.

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