Running away from domestic violence in 1920s Oklahoma, a teenager encounters homelessness, alcoholism and drug addiction. Sent to prison, then declared insane, an encounter with a book changes his life
PamelaOZLogliner
Running away from domestic violence in 1920s Oklahoma, a teenager encounters homelessness, alcoholism and drug addiction. Sent to prison, then declared insane, an encounter with a book changes his life
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From reading your logline, it seems you give us a lot of back story,
then at the very end of the logline,
you give us the incident in which motivates the lead character into action and thus begins the story.
Your logline should begin with him encountering a book (You should be specific, what book?)
Then tell us what he does about it.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
The logline reads more like a list of independent events as appose to a story.
I suggest that you pick one of the events in the logline as the inciting incident and re draft the logline with a goal.
Thanks for the feedback.
Domestic violence was the inciting incident that got the protagonist into action.? Yes perhaps there are just too many incidents and not a clear theme, or too many themes in the draft.
Maybe there is a descriptor that can be used to cover “homelessness, alcoholism and drug addiction” so that you don’t have a laundry list, so to speak,? within your logline.