Sally Mitchell, after having a drunken one night stand with Chris Rogers, finds herself pregnant with twins. Sally and Chris move in together, , forcing their best friends and housemates Dean Smith and Melissa Pearce to do the same, resulting in four twenty somethings having to grow up faster than they wanted to.
drews13Penpusher
Sally Mitchell, after having a drunken one night stand with Chris Rogers, finds herself pregnant with twins. Sally and Chris move in together, , forcing their best friends and housemates Dean Smith and Melissa Pearce to do the same, resulting in four twenty somethings having to grow up faster than they wanted to.
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“Sally Mitchell, after having a drunken one night stand with Chris Rogers, finds herself pregnant with twins. Sally and Chris move in together, , forcing their best friends and housemates Dean Smith and Melissa Pearce to do the same, resulting in four twenty somethings having to grow up faster than they wanted to.”
Like I suggested on your most recent post, studying the structure and elements of a logline so have a better understanding of it. Again, no names of fictional characters.
What is the objective goal of the protagonist? The logline sets up a situation but doesn’t describe a goal at all.
Once again, I highly recommend studying other people’s post and the feedback they receive. Not only that, but try to review other loglines yourself, I know from experience that it will give you a better understanding and will better your own loglines, and the advice you give.
The logline sets up a complicated situation, but doesn’t give anyone an objective goal ?to string up ?a throughline for the plot. ?”Having to grow up faster” does not qualify as an objective goal. ?It’s too general and pertains to subjective issues ?rather than objective ones. ?Film is a visual medium; the objective goal has to be something ?a concrete object or event that clearly — visually ?– signals to the audience that the character has succeeded (or failed). ?What’s the visual for “grow up faster” ?
And it tosses together 4 characters — who is the lead, the protagonist? ?Or is this supposed to be an ensemble piece of co-equal characters and intertwining plot threads?
I agree with the statements above,
This is a situation, not a story. The story would be what they do about it.
BTW this may very well be a great story, but the logline itself spends way too much time telling us the set-up to the story but then tells us nothing about what the lead character’s goal is, now that this event has happened, what must the lead character actually do.