Bernadette Tsan
Sarah Jane tells her story about how she over comes her past relationship and having to move on with life but is also struggling financially and having to look after her family and having to concentrate on her studies.
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this is too hard to read and too long for a log line.. I think it needs to be re-written
Right now it’s a bit abstract and meta, Is Sarah Jane telling a specific person her story, or is it directly at the audience? Why is the film about her ‘telling’ the story rather than ‘showing’ her life? More specific descriptions of hardships would be better. “Move on with life”, “struggling financially” “looking after family” “concentrating on studies” – are too general.
Financial struggles – maybe she has gambling debts or had a medical emergency that used up all her money.
Look after family – needs to be more specific, a dependent child? Parent(s)? Sibling?
Studies – what is she studying, and why? Is that her goal?
It seems like you’re narrating the story, you’ve got to many ‘and’. What is her goal? What should we be expecting? What does she need to do to accomplish her goal? You haven’t established that in your log line.
I think the last half can be summarized better. If shes the narrator it the logline can be much shorter.