Sent directly to earth from the Creator, to raise up their Race of Beings who have fallen prey. Things get deadly.
leemasonPenpusher
Sent directly to earth from the Creator, to raise up their Race of Beings who have fallen prey. Things get deadly.
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This isn’t a logline. This is more like a tagline. Check out the formula section?https://loglines.org/howto/
What is the incident that sets the story in motion (inciting incident)? Who is the protagonist? Fallen prey to who? What’s the goal? What are the stakes? How is this a drama? It sounds to me like a fantasy film? Why do things get deadly?
Think visually and explain the story in one line. You’re not trying to make the story sound cool and mysterious, you’re trying to tell someone what’s going on so they understand exactly what your story is about. The reader should not have to try and figure things out on their own.
Also, make sure your punctuation/spelling/grammar is spot on. That can be the difference between someone choosing to read your screenplay or not.
It’s seems to be something you narrate – crosscutting with trailer footage; not a logline. For it to be one, it must contain —
? the specific event, which incites his coming to earth (after his ruler’s prophecy renders his allies motionless…)
? his function or role (…an intergalactic traveller…) &
? his goal or main action in the story [as a result of this event] (…must infiltrate earth and raise his fellow specie from the dark spell) pfft! ..you get the idea
In doing so, make the conflict and stakes implied; “What if he doesn’t?” should be threatening and urgent
Good Luck leemason!!
Look buddy, along with? trying the formula tab of this website, try to exercise:
A) Writing a brief that gives your whole idea in few words (one must be able to see the whole movie/story from those few words)
B) Writing story outlines (e.g., a brief story of 25 pages. This is more like an exercise that will allow you to write any logline in future, without practising this point.)
C) Tackling reviewers. (Reviewers come up with better opinions but you must be able to tackle them with your storyline you already created. If you like the crticism accept it and if you don’t, then try to learn more perspectives. This will make your content more better.)
???????? (I am laughing at lecturing, but this is more a general review than to this particular logline.)
Above logline is just a theme to your character, a part of a backstory. I do not see any challenge for him to overcome.
Those aren’t even really sentences.
Add a comment that explains your story with no attempt at brevity so we can see what’s going on.?Then, we’d be able to help.
Who’s the lead character?
What’s the lead character’s goal?
What’s standing in his or her way?
One of the great things about practicing loglines; it creates healthy writing habits.
One of those habits is getting rid of unnecessary words.
Sent — directly?(‘directly’ isn’t needed)
raise — up (redundant, both words mean the same thing) — However, you might want to use a different word like rally?or lead. They are sent to ‘lead‘ their race (for instance)
race — of beings (You don’t need ‘of beings’, how would you have a race who were not beings?)
Finally, you have left off an important detail — Fallen Prey… (To whom?)
Anyway, good luck with your story and keep working on this logline, the advice above is excellent
Fallen prey to what? Who are the Race of Beings. How do things get deadly?