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thedarkhorseSamurai
Series logline: A rich, successful plastic surgeon and reformed sex addict, suffering intimacy problems with a woman who offers him stability, returns to his former psychiatrist, a manipulative woman for whom he might still be madly in love with.
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What’s the inciting incident that starts this all off? The sexual intimacy problem? What’s his goal?
Does he know his psychiatrist is a manipulative woman? Surely that’s highly unethical for her to manipulate him? Not saying it couldn’t happen but I’m just curious as to his motives for going back there. Especially is he’s in this new relationship that he wants to succeed with. Why return to the woman you might be in love with?
Nothing in the logline suggests anything that makes me think he’s in danger of losing the “rich, successful plastic surgeon” status. In a similar vein, the story doesn’t seem to be about superficiality so I’m not sure the location plays into it. I also think the whole Beverly Hills, sunshine, plastic surgery thing has been done to death. Since the show seems to have more to do with sex, to me somewhere like Vegas would be more fitting (although admittedly this has kinda been done too).
Hope this helps.
“A rich, successful plastic surgeon and reformed sex addict, suffering intimacy problems…” This is way too many words to describe your lead character.
You have 25-30 words for a logline and you use 12 words to describe your character… way too many words.
What’s the essence of story hook, here?? A relationship between two sex-aholics?? Their lovers in the bedroom — but enemies outside of it?
Hey everyone. Thanks for the feedback.
Inciting incident?
Unable to be intimate with woman who offers stability.
His goal?
Mental health.
Why go back to her??
She came very close to fixing her him previously. What they have together is unique as well as volatile. Lastly, we could go the Freud route – ?there are no accidents?. It?s a line I use several times in the script to show that we subconsciously do things for a reason.?(However – there’s absolutely no way I could get that across in this logline ha).
I think he has more to lose as a?rich successful plastic surgeon – if people found out the sordid things he got up to in a previous life, etc. He could lose his reputation/practice/friends/family.
Ha yeah I considered it a strange hybrid of ?Nip/Tuck? and ?Frasier? – one of the themes explored being the minds power over the body and the body over the mind. A subplot has the main character pull a Pygmalion/Vertigo with the good girl love interest – he starts moulding and shaping her into his idea of a perfect woman.?
It?s set in LA because LA is a sun-kissed fantasyland. The main character (who is a shallow, superficial type) is striving to be emotionally authentic. He wants a real life. Real love. Real relationships. In the pilot, he wants to quit this pathetic sordid sex life (which he considers a fantasy).
Yeah I agree with the word count. Admittedly I can’t help but wonder if my very first version was the best.
Original: (the first one I posted here)
Logline: A rich, successful doctor with a debilitating sex addiction becomes entangled in kinky and increasingly dangerous power games with his sexy psychiatrist.
the darkhorse:
Your logline is posted for a series.? Upon further reflection, I would now say that the original version sets up? the dramatic engine that drives the conflict in the plot, episode after episode. after episode? Which a logline for a series needs to do.
More to the point:? your original logline sells the sizzle.? ?So I think it’s good enough for marketing the script.
I would consider this version to be useful for developing the pilot plot that launches the series.
Ideally,? one logline should fulfill both purposes, for developing a script, and for marketing it. But after posting nearly 5,000 reviews of loglines, I have come to the opinon (delusion?) that it may not always be possible, or the the most effective m.o.
My thinking on the art and science of loglining is a work in progress.? I am currently inclined to suggest that feedback might be more fruitful if? you posted 2 versions of your loglines for your spec series, one for development the script, the other for selling it.
And I commend you for your forbearance with the process.
fwiw
Okay cool. I?ll have to use that one then. Yeah – the original logline for my pilot was ?A sex addict?s sordid secret life spirals out of control?.
I kept it short.?
I kind of agree. I certainly wish I posted these loglines up here a year ago and made sure they were as strong as possible before writing the thing. (Though a potential downside is a lot of opinions can inhibit you before you even start writing and I like to explore and keeps things malleable). Maybe the key is to do a strong logline then write the script and change the logline as you go? I dunno. I guess we?re all different.
Your 2 versions idea is good. Selling a script is an entirely different beast.
Combining the latest and the original. (and keep in mind it’s a limited series)…
A reformed sex addict becomes entangled in kinky and increasingly dangerous power games with his manipulative psychiatrist.?
I like your reason why he was going back to therapy before – to be able to be intimate with woman he actually cares about. How about ?
?When a reformed sex addict can?t be intimate with a girl he actually cares about, he seeks help from a sex psychiatrist. But her unorthodox methods involve increasingly kinky and dangerous games he may never escape.?
I didn?t count the words, maybe too wordy, but something along those lines.