Seven art students, all of different talents, find themselves trapped in a museum where they rewrite love, beauty and their own humanity before the groups survival overshadows their bohemian lives.
Alan SmitheePenpusher
Seven art students, all of different talents, find themselves trapped in a museum where they rewrite love, beauty and their own humanity before the groups survival overshadows their bohemian lives.
Share
It’s best to post new drafts of the same logline on the original thread, that way you can track changes and see which notes have already been given.
About the logline, the concept is vague as there is no clear main characters, goals or stakes. There are also many confusing?descriptions such as: “…rewrite love, beauty and their own humanity?” – what does that mean in practical terms? What will that look like?
Best to focus your story on one character, sure you could have many characters in the story, but for the logline best to structure a coherent plot around?one character with one goal.
In this version the inciting incident is not clear. ?What traps them in the museum for such a duration that their very survival is at risk?
I agree with Nir Shelter that most of the time it is better to spotlight one distinctive character in the logline rather crowd the spotlight with multiple characters. ?Even when the conflict is driven by group dynamics, the story benefits by framing it in terms of one “alpha character”, a first among equals.
Since you obviously wish to populate your logline ?with group of 7 character rather than one main character, what is the social dynamic you wish to explore? ?What is your point, the theme you wish to develop, by throwing this disparate collection of people together?
Hello,
i like the basic concept of young artists being trappend in a museum but I miss a clear action line (and a rational reason for them to be trapped).