Sick of being ridiculed at, A down on the luck super hero sets 24 hours to solve any case .
Skandha SreeramLogliner
Sick of being ridiculed at, A down on the luck super hero sets 24 hours to solve any case .
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Sick of being ridiculed sounds like an inciting incident but it isn’t
You should draw the reader in with a specific and personal incident where he is ridiculed and sets his course in motion.
“When his son ridicules him for being a ‘lame’ superhero…”
So he sets an open challenge? Also it reads like she/he should be a down on his detective.
I would say: A cocksure Superhero sets an open challenge to the world that he can beat any villain, but when the most dangerous super-villain breaks free of prison to accept the challenge he will need to overcome his arrogance to defeat the villain and prove himself a hero.
Both good advice and examples of how to improve things.
Thank you !!
Why is he down on his luck? How impossible is what is before him? What is his handicap or thing he has to overcome? If we know the problem we can see the challenge.? And the challenge is the fun and games bit, of the movie,? that makes us want to go see it. So the bigger it is the better. Did he loose his ability to fly because he did not pay bills? Did he then say (while he was drunk/ out of? desperation) that he can solve any case in 24 hours to beat the competition? I really like this idea, good luck! @fadeintomack
Don’t forget, you will need time in your story to demo the superpowers.
>>>sets 24 hours to solve any case .
Or else what?? What happens or is he going to do if he fails?? What is ultimately at stake?
Revised Logline :
Sick of being ridiculed by the public, A private detective sets 24 hours to solve any case or else quit but the first case he receives can only be solved at the 25th hour.
This revised logline doesn’t make any sense. And what happened to the super hero?
Aha so your “superhero”was the adjective. So you should have stated in the first logline, A superhero detective….etc. Take the superhero out the logline and it is not a super concept anymore.
>>>A private detective sets 24 hours to solve any case or else quit
That’s it, the very worse that can happen?? I think there should be bigger stakes, like someone’s life at stake.? Someone will die if he doesn’t crack the case.
>>>but the first case he receives can only be solved at the 25th hour.
But when he takes the case, he doesn’t know that it’s going to take more than 24 hours, right?? So this is a spoiler, giving away a? 3rd Act complication.? A logline should never contain a spoiler, a Big Reveal or Major Plot Twist.
Ok will work on the original one . Thanks a lot everyone.