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Alan SmitheePenpusher
Posted: July 13, 20122012-07-13T15:40:49+10:00 2012-07-13T15:40:49+10:00

Since he was a kid, Jack grew up on hard boiled crime fiction. He always imagined himself to be the tough protagonist in those books. When he is thrown in one of those pulp fiction situations at the age of 29, with tough guys, big dough, feminine dynamite and exotic romps, his perceptions about his masculinity and toughness is about to change.

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    1. [Deleted User]
      2012-07-13T16:24:41+10:00Added an answer on July 13, 2012 at 4:24 pm

      I love the irony of the setup and this could really be an interesting film.

      But…

      This logline sounds messy and rushed. You can’t mix past and present tense in a logline and “his perceptions … is about to change” is wrong, too.

      Read the tips on loglining on this site and you’ll learn what to keep and what to throw out. You may also find that “his perceptions about his masculinity and toughness is about to change” is not really a story. This is an internal process that doesn’t promise any visual drama. Film is about visible actions and the goals characters pursue with those actions. Here we have none of this.

      Finally “one of those pulp fiction situations” is way too vague. This could really be anything.

      Back to ‘start’!

      Happy loglining!

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    2. crucisis
      2012-07-14T07:04:33+10:00Added an answer on July 14, 2012 at 7:04 am

      Firstly, I agree with Karel, this is an interesting concept- a chance to strip down the hard-boiled detective genre. (Of course that’s not the route you have to take.)
      But the logline needs to be polished up.
      -Make sure that the logline is a single sentence even if you have to use complex/compound sentences. -Secondly, it will add a lot if you mention what the protagonist’s profession is at 29. The tone and the dilemma will drastically change If he’s a comic bookstore owner or a druglord or a doctor. Add that layer in here.
      -Instead of saying “tough guys, big dough, feminine dynamite and exotic romps” use that space to tell us more about the exact situation that gets him in that position. Is it a case of mistaken identity? Did he get himself in trouble on purpose? Is he framed? That’s more important. Once you say he’s in the world of the pulp fiction stories he once loved as a kid it automatically entails that there will be the elements of the noir world.
      -This logline doesn’t necessarily bring across the tone of the film. It can be a serious noir thriller or a comedy on the line of North by Northwest. Make sure the tone comes across when you frame the logline.

      I know it sounds like a lot to bring in with a single sentence but it’s possible. And personally I like working and re-working on my loglines because sometimes a few words changed here and there gives a whole new exciting direction in the actual story that you’d never have thought of on it’s own.

      Good luck.

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