Samurai
Posted: 2017-04-09T09:07:11+10:00 In:

STRANGER TO BLUE WATER – When the sheltered daughter of a disabled coal miner falls for a Trinidadian man passing through town on a sales call , she’s torn between staying in the rinky dead end pennsylvania borough caring for her crippled racist dad or leaving with her dark mysterious lover on an adventure in the Caribbean.

STRANGER TO BLUE WATER – When the sheltered daughter of a disabled coal miner falls for a Trinidadian man passing through town on a sales call , she’s torn between staying in the rinky dead end pennsylvania borough caring for her crippled racist dad or leaving with her dark mysterious lover on an adventure in the Caribbean.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      A small town girl falls in love with a black travelling salesman. She must chose between staying to care for her I’ll racist father or follow her heart.

      Shorter, I hope this helps.

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    2. Penpusher

      I can clearly understand the emotional conflict in the story based on the information provided. ?Perhaps try something along the lines of ” In a small town where racism is still hardwired in to the populace, a young woman questions the way she was raised as she struggles between duty and following her heart.”

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    3. Singularity

      >>>torn between

      In other words, she’s trapped in a dilemma.

      1] But loglines are not about dilemmas about decisions a character will eventually have to make. ?Loglines are about the decisions made. Decisions that either 1] Resolve ?a dilemma (for better or worse) early in the story or 2] Create an unanticipated dilemma further down the road of the plot..

      2] And the logline presents a false dilemma. ?The choices presented in this logline do not constitute a true dilemma because they are not of exclusive and?equal value. ?In ?a true dilemma both options are either equally desirable or equally undesirable ?- but in either case the character must choose one to the exclusion of the other. ?She can’t have both (if desirable); neither can she decline to choose either (if undesirable).

      “Staying in the rinky dead end Pennsylvania borough” versus “an adventure in the Caribbean. — ?obviously, the latter is of more value to the character, more interesting, more alluring. ?So what’s stopping her from leaving town (other than cowardice)?

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