Russian trip
Karel SegersLogliner
Succesful lawer from Moscaw is obsessed with an american porn star, all attemts to meet her in person fail untill a brilliant idea comes to his mind to press charges against her.
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This logline describes the first act of a story but little else.
It also lacks a definitive starting point or inciting incident. If he is obsessed with the porn star then he could have started his obsession years before, why then only now does he do something about it?
Is there an event that motivates him to get in touch with her? If so best to include it in the logline.
Secondly, and more importantly, what does he want to achieve? The logline states he will press charges against her, but to what end? If he is really obsessed with her then does he really think this will help him get close to her? If so he is some what delusional or else there is an ulterior motive undisclosed in the current draft of the logline.
How can someone in Russia press charges against an American?? I mean,?she?would have to be?Russia when he files specious charges, right?? So that would have to be the timing of the inciting incident:? when she is visiting as a tourist or ?working on a film in Russia, he files charges.
And , as Nir Shelter indicated, so he files charges and as a result gets to meet her in person.?? End of story?? Or… what???What is the plot that?arises out of the meeting??? What does he want to achieve after meeting with her?
Thank you so much for the critique, now i see i got it wrong. So the story goes around a very ambisious lawer, who not only obsessed personally with the porn star but also seeking for professional success and recognision. So when the porn star arrives to Moscaw for a film shoot he uses his talent to find a way to put her in court not only to meet her but also to attract all media attention to provoke a scandal to get free advertizing.
Okay, thanks for the clarification.? But for the purposes of the logline and the plot, what is his objective goal?? Is the porn star just a means to another end, a publicity gimmick to achieve his real purpose, his real objective goal?
If his real objective goal is professional success and recognition that’s fine for plot but? it needs to be defined with a specific benchmark or achievement that certifies to the character (and the audience) that he has indeed achieved “professional success and recognition”.?? In other words, what’s the visual for “professional success and recognition”.? What happens in that “success” ?scene?
I see.
I think the problem is you currently have 2 goals set out for the main character; professional success and a personal relationship.
Pick one and re draft the logline to focus on the chosen goal.