Penpusher
Posted: 2019-08-20T00:52:53+10:00 In:

The diagnosis of infertility forces a desperate woman to decide whether she should face the risks of achieving her dream of motherhood at any cost.

–

Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      The inciting incident is clear enough, but the objective goal is vague.? The logline, in effect, hides the game ball, what her risky plan is to become a mother.? What specifically does “achieving her dream…at any cost” mean? What becomes her specific objective goal?? How exactly does she intend to solve her dramatic problem and what makes it so risky?

      And is her age a complicating factor?? Like she’s in her mid-30’s; her biological clock is clicking. If so you might want to indicate that in describing her.

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      What is the hook of your story. Being diagnosed as infertile is not that uncommon, many couples go through it.

      What sets your story apart.

      An example would be Raising Arizona, where a couple see on TV a family had Quintuplets, The couple decide, since they don’t have a baby and the people on TV have so many babies, they would take one. This made for a great hook to that story.

      Anyway, this is just me saying the hook (Whatever it is) should be added to the logline.

      • 0
    3. Samurai

      “When diagnosed with infertility, a desperate woman kidnaps a baby from the street.” Then what?

      I would start like this:

      “When she kidnaps a baby from the street, an infertile woman must…”

      Then, MAIN ACTION is required. She must what? She sounds more like an antagonist.

      “Must decide” cannot be a Main Action.

      • 0