THE EGG AND I- A blindly driven 40-year-old woman is told she’s too old to have a baby but may have a shot if she finds sperm in a week, she finds a fortuitous donor, while her ex-bestie manipulates him, attempting to block her from finding unexpected love and one good egg.

Let me see if I can parse this:

>>is told she?s too old to have a baby
Says who? ?Her hair dresser? ?Her office co-workers? ?A her gynecologist, after an examination?

>>>may have a shot
This seems to contradict the previous statement because if she were ?too old, ?she would not even have a shot.

>>>if she finds sperm in a week
I know there’s an optimal window each month in the menstrual cycle ?– but if she misses the window of opportunity next week, can’t she try again next month? ?IOW; I don’t find “next week or never” to be credible.

>>>she finds a fortuitous donor
That was fast

Too fast. ?Nothing should be quick and easy for the main character, particularly in finding the sin qua non, the right man to make her pregnant.

What if her dramatic dilemma is that she urgently feels the biological clock ticking down ?– but she also wants a donor who ?matches her impossibly high standards for a sire? ?

I mean, why is she still single? What is the real character flaw that got her into this predicament?

>>>while her ex-bestie manipulates him,
A mid-point complication for the plot, but in any event extraneous for the purpose of a logline. ? Why? Because you’ve only got 25-30 words ideally, 40 words absolute max — your version is 48 — to ?lay out the key elements in the plot. (As enumerated under “Formula” at the top of the web page). There’s no ?spare space to squeeze in midpoint ?complications or shocking 3rd Act reveals.

fwiw

What’s the real problem that prevents her from becoming a mother?

Is it that biologically she can’t conceive by natural means, so she must resort tp extraordinary medical measures?

Or that she can conceive but she’s can’t find the right donor?

Or that can conceive and she has found the right donor, but ?another woman is blocking the consummation?

Of course, a story must have a series of ever greater complications. ?But a logline describe a?unity of action, one –not two ?or three– one initial and sustained ?problem the kicks off and drives the plot to the denouement. ?What is it?

>>>finding love and one good egg.

That’s two goals. ?On relates to her subjective need (for the love of ?amn); the other relates to her objective want, a baby. ?Loglines are about the struggle to obtain a?objective goal, not the satisfaction of a subjective need.

(Yes, she can have ?a Hollyweird ending where she gets both, but the love would come as an unexpected dividend of her quest for her objective goal, to have a baby. ?That’s the standard formula, anyway)

And “self-sabotaging” is a vague shotgun term. ?It can mean she’s too timid. Or too assertive, Too insecure. Or overly confident. ? Too reckless. Or too cautious.

Which one is it? ?Or is it none of the above, something else?