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sgColeHarrisLogliner
Posted: January 13, 20172017-01-13T18:17:13+10:00 2017-01-13T18:17:13+10:00In: Fantasy

The last member of an ancient race must learn to once again trust humans. When a geeky teenage boy is the only chance to save everything she knows.

The last member of an ancient race must learn to once again trust humans. When a geeky teenage boy is the only chance to save everything she knows.
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    3 Reviews

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    1. Richiev Singularity
      2017-01-13T18:43:51+10:00Added an answer on January 13, 2017 at 6:43 pm

      You should give us the stakes. What is it she will lose? What will cause her to lose it? in other words, “When this specific thing happens” the last member of an ancient race must…

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2017-01-14T04:27:36+10:00Added an answer on January 14, 2017 at 4:27 am

      This is a promising concept, but I think it needs further development.

      Does “ancient race” mean she’s not a homo sapiens? ?Is she a Neandertal? ?If so, I think that should be stated explicitly. ?And how can two different species communicate? (Or is she the last member of her tribe?)

      And what is the inciting incident that causes their lives to intersect, that kicks off the action of the story? ?That should be in the logline.

      And who is the protagonist, the woman or the geek trying to help the woman? ?Pick one for the purpose of the logline. ?If the female is the protagonist, than the geek is the ally character. ?If the geek is the protagonist, the female is the stakes character.

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    3. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2017-01-15T13:29:45+10:00Added an answer on January 15, 2017 at 1:29 pm

      I find the ‘last chance to save everything she knows’ a bit vague. Sometime vagueness is okay if you can tell what the movie is going to be.

      But I can’t tell yet. Can we have some detail around that please.

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