Thirty five year old toy designer John who hates kids gets a chance to design toys for one of the best toy manufacturing company under the super vision of four year old Sara.
selvathewriterPenpusher
Thirty five year old toy designer John who hates kids gets a chance to design toys for one of the best toy manufacturing company under the super vision of four year old Sara.
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Hi Selva,
This sounds like an excellent premise for a movie….perhaps rewrite your logline using Karel’s formula?? When (a major event happens) (the main character) must (do the main action).
Hope that gives a starting point,
Cheers
Mandy
We don’t need to know the leads age.
You don’t need to name the character unless they are famous.
I would also try to remove some of the clutter
Here would be an example:
—–
“When the worlds best toy company hires him to be their lead designer, a genius toy maker who loves creating but hates kids finds himself working directly under the supervision of the owners 4 year old daughter.”
—–
Hope that helped.
btw, what is the lead characters goal? At the moment this is a situation, the story would be what the lead character must do about it.
Sounds like a lot of fun. Although I feel a need to know what is the main obstacle? Is Sara antagonistic to him? Does he fight his own inner demons regarding hating kids? Is he trying to hide his history of hating kids from his employer and somebody is trying to expose him? Not sure where the story’s going to go after the set up.
There have been several films about toy designers and manufacturers, some more successful than others, but while toy making is not without its charm as a premise it needs an additional escalation of stakes. For example, what if the little girl gets more and more popular with the board of directors, as a result they bring in an army of kids that he must deal with in order to guide the design and manufacture of toys, or worse yet they force him to regularly attend a first grade class in an attempt to help him get into their minds.
Looks like a premise with immense potential! Keep em coming 🙂
The logline sets up an interesting situation for the adult character — but fails to give to him a plot, There is no indication where the story is going to go with the setup.
Given the situation he finds himself in, what must ?he about it? ? Or else — what are the stakes?
If he’s the protagonist then he needs to have a proactive role in pursuit of an objective goal. ?What is that goal?