Samurai
Posted: 2017-10-03T16:59:50+10:00 In:

To date the girl of his dreams, a romantic peeping Tom enlists the help of a local cat burglar, but her perilous methods put his law-career at risk.

To date the girl of his dreams, a romantic peeping Tom enlists the help of a local cat burglar, but her perilous methods put his law-career at risk.
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    4 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      Paul,

      While not bad for a comedy, realise how odd this sounds.

      A peeping tom enlists a local cat burglar? Did he use craigslist to find the burglar? You would think both should be conspicuous since their activities are illegal.

      Beyond this obvious setup that you wrote, I fail to see how this peeping tom constitutes a viable protagonist if his MO is as advertised. He’s law enforcement too? I guess that is comedic relief.

      The good news is that you have a ton of interesting and ironic things working for your comedy.

      I would assume he falls for the cat burglar instead if his initial target when all is said and done?

      A shy “cop” follows the lead of a sexy cat burglar in order to meet the girl of his dreams only to realize that he ultimately lusts that which he cannot have.

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    2. Singularity

      For anyone reading this for the 1st time with no prior knowledge of the many discussion threads, the logline is not likely to make sense.

      The guy wants to score with his dream girl — so he enlists the help of a cat burglar.? WTF?? Again with no prior knowledge of the discussion — which is how producers, directors and agents will encounter this logline — it’s going to seem nonsensical.? Which means the logline is not going to accomplish it’s mission.

      And knowing the discussion threads, I still think the cat burglar is the more interesting character.? The guy’s a wimp.? She is a stronger and more interesting character.? She’s the hook in the logline — not him.? I suggest the story, and logline, be framed around her.

      Enough said.

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    3. Uberwriter

      Lol, dpg. I raised an eyebrow just the same. I even went as far to think that “cat burgler” was a metaphor for stealing the heart of the girl he loves.

      Cat burglaress? Is that a thing? I picture that hot thief dressed in black from the T-mobile commercials a few years ago.

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    4. Singularity

      Hey Paul,

      The latest version of the logline still suffers from the same problems as the previous.
      Check out all the good comments you got and see how you can adjust the concept and logline accordingly.

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