To escape physiological torture, a teenager who got ?rescued? from his abusive mother, rallies the other students at his new school against the torturer, the headmistress, by deliberately bending and stretching the rules.
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To escape physiological torture, a teenager who got ?rescued? from his abusive mother, rallies the other students at his new school against the torturer, the headmistress, by deliberately bending and stretching the rules.
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The loglein uses too many vague descriptions and lacks detail therefore?the plot isn’t?clear.
What was the specific event that made the student need to take action? Was he beaten? Was his only friend put in hospital or killed?
As it is now the logline lacks the starting point for the story, best to describe an?inciting incident than describe a situation.
Secondly the goal is not clear. What does rally student against the headmistress mean? Will they tell the police about her? Will they trap her in her office? What will they do?
What does “…bending and stretching the rules?” mean in specific terms? What action will they actually take to achieve their goal?
From my understanding, it seems that a child was taken away from his abusive mother, and then put into the care of an abusive headmistress.
I think rescued might simply be the wrong the word, rather than use it quotes say “stolen” or something.
My major concern about the logline is the credibility of the situation:
Students are being physically abused — tortured — by the headmistress — but they aren’t complaining about it to their parents? ?Not one of them? They aren’t showing them the proof, the welts and bruises (or worse)?
Or they are complaining, but their parents — all of them — are utterly indifferent? ?Every last parent refuses to believe their children? ?Every last one refuses to believe the evidence of the bruises and welts? ?Every last parent refuses to rally to the rescue of their own children and have the headmistress fired and arrested?
If the story is set (more or less) in the present in a modern country (like in North America, Western Europe, Australia, ?or New Zealand) I for one, ?am not able to buy into the situation.
fwiw