Samurai
Posted: 2016-01-29T16:08:14+10:00 In:

Trapped in an all-night bank siege, a by-the-book bank teller must outwit both cops and robbers to escape with 100k from the bank?s vault to pay-off his brothers gambling debt.

Trapped in an all-night bank siege, a by-the-book bank teller must outwit both cops and robbers to escape with 100k from the bank?s vault to pay-off his brothers gambling debt.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Singularity

      The?version that spooled through my mind is that he actually pulls off the 100K heist in the confusion of the siege — and then complications and hilarity ensue.

      It’s definitely a premise that can play out in several different ways.? Best of luck with whichever? one you settle on.

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    2. Best Answer
      Samurai

      Thanks for the feedback dpg.

      You’re ?right on here… What’s missing from the logline is that the hero has till dawn to pay off these dodgy bookies or the brother is a dead man…and the debt passes onto the hero (cliched, I know…brother is a irresponsible loser, hero is an uptight goody goody…). He manages to nab the vault cash, but before he can leave the bank it gets held up..the cops arrive and it becomes a hostage siege… Hilarity ensues?

      I’ve got about 3 or 4 variations on the concept — this one seems to fit/ flow the best when confining to 30 words in a logline.

      Anyway, good to hear from you and hope you’re writing is going well.

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    3. Best Answer
      Singularity

      Trapped in an all-night bank siege, a bank teller seizes?the opportunity to outwit both cops and robbers and steal 100k to pay off his brother’s debts.

      Although it would ?make more sense to me if the stakes?were commensurate with the risk being taken.? That is,? he needs to pay off his own gambling debts.? Or those of his wife/lover/significant other.???Still, I am hooked by the general concept.? I? guess I’ll just have to read the script to find out why he’s taking so much risk on himself for the sake of his? (irresponsible?) brother.????So in that sense of?a logline’s purpose, mission accomplished.

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