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TjmohrLogliner
Trying to finally get a social life, a shy introvert struggles to fit in with his cousin’s crass friends on the road to a music festival.
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This is a good spark to a story, but I believe that it needs more conflict and stakes. A shy introvert can be a relatable character, but you need to establish him/her as someone who enjoys music, or sees a sentimental value in it. Furthermore, this would give us reasons to believe that he wants to travel with friends to a music festival. Also, you’ll need more stakes to provide conflict in the story. Although their is internal conflict with your character description, it needs external conflict. You could describe his friends as being reckless and dangerous, and this could make the reader care about what happens to the introvert when traveling with them.
This is a logline many can relate to, but adding onto savinh0’s comment, it’s important to try and show the stakes of the story as well! Maybe he has a crush on a girl, doesn’t want to embarrass himself? Struggling to sort of see the stakes and maybe the payoff of everything, interesting idea nonetheless, not too many like this one!
While I like this kinds of stories (especially mixed with drama and comedy like ‘The Way, Way Back’), it is not easy to write them because shy characters (especially combined with introvertism) don’t have a lot to say and can easily come off as boring.
Your logline states the protagonist and his problem (his shyness), but you should present him with a clear goal to give the story more drive. I feel like it will be really difficult to write 90-120 pages based on this logline and coming up with enough events without having a clear goal in mind for your shy introvert.
So he struggles to fit in with his cousins friends? And then? What does he do about it? What happens after that struggle?
Is the music festival important to the story/logline? Why? Does he meet someone at the music festival?
Keep that in mind when outlining your script.