Logliner
Posted: 2017-04-09T22:44:10+10:00 In:

Two career tramps, a yachtsman and an ex-actress, falling in love team up and live swindling the jet set ? but they risk losing it all when yachtsman?s ex-wife comes undercover for an IRS sting

Two career tramps, a yachtsman and an ex-actress, falling in love team up and live swindling the jet set ? but they risk losing it all when yachtsman?s ex-wife comes undercover for an IRS sting
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    3 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      I’d drop ‘career tramps’. ?Tramps tends to bring about images of homeless and this conflicts with the jetset image.

      Otherwise I can see your movie. ?Perhaps ground it in a time and place. ?Specific details can be a friend. ?You could even drop the detail about their relationship.

      Saves some words, give you more room for story. ?Unlike my fellow reviewers I don’t see the need for likable characters. ?I think compelling characters are more important than likable people. ?Remember the logline is the shortest path through your story in the most interesting and engage path.

      Character development etc is for your treatment or synopsis.

      Try this (less than 30 words).

      ‘A yachtsman and an ex-actress, live the high life swindling the jet set, but danger arrives in the form of his ex-wife working undercover for the IRS.’

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    2. Singularity

      The con couple may love each other — but why should we in the audience love them for their crimes and deceptions? ? Why should we want them to evade the law?

      Also, within the framework of the story, the protagonists are supposed to be proactive. ?But within the framework of this story, the con characters are reactive — they’re playing defense. ?

      They are characters in the ex-lover’s plot. ?She, at least, does have a specific objective goal: to catch and convict her ex-husband and his lover.

      There it is, her objective goal, ?in 9 words.

      If you strip out the embellishments, all the other logline elements, ?what, in one ?short sentence is his objective goal?

      What is his?plot all about? ?(“Risk losing it all” is about his jeopardy — not his objective goal.)

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    3. Uberwriter

      This needs to be re-written. It doesn’t flow well enough because of the multitude of players involved and the lack of a clear protag.

      Just use “a ____ group…” that has to overcome an IRS mole before…

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