Penpusher
Posted: 2012-08-15T15:50:26+10:00 In:

Two corrupt ex-cops travel to Coober Pedy with a bag of cash and play chicken with vengeful bikies, thieves, a yakuza wannabe, sociopathic rednecks and a rather short-tempered, one-armed deaf guy.

Out West.

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    4 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      In the worst case scenario, this logline promises:

      Quirkiness.
      Too many main characters.
      No story.

      In the best case scenario I would like to see some character depth and I don’t see it. What do the two cops learn? If they do learn anything, it would be helpful to see it in the logline or else this sounds like yet another shallow quirky ozzy crim flic.

      Why Coober Pedy? What are they planning on doing there? If it is only about that bag of cash, the stakes are minimal and I’m not interested.

      Finally, if they are corrupt ex-cops, shouldn’t the law be after them as well? Just saying.

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    2. Why? What brings them there. You have enough characters there.. but I am trying to figure out if this is a comedy? Action? I don’t know what is at stake.

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    3. Penpusher

      Lot of characters , no visible flaw , surface tension but no mention of single protags goal or stakes / weakness / strenghts / inner / outer journey ? Good lingo but no story longevity .

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    4. Firstly, way too many antagonists. And not one is compelling or particularly powerful on their own. Better to have one, or maybe two, compelling antagonists: For example a genuine (not just “wannabe”) yakuza hit-squad and perhaps a seasoned local hunter.

      Secondly, it is not clear what likeable qualities the two protagonists will have. The two cops being “corrupt” raises the question of why don’t they deserve to be chopped up with katanas from the start? Better to have the two cops framed for some crime they did not commit – for example, stealing a cache of drugs that was evidence against a crime lord. (Which suddenly makes all the hunting after them understandable. As well as making their plight something we, the viewer, can care about.)

      Thirdly, the one-arm deaf guy adds nothing but ludicrosity to the tale. (And how many zillion Australian films have already jammed ‘quirky’ characters to the big screen?)

      Steven Fernandez (Judge)

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