Two unlikely partners, whom have the ability to bend space, time, and travel universes endlessly, must learn the secrets of the universe to harness their powers while being hunted down by their future selves to prevent them from creating a cosmic and catastrophic nightmare.
ThemostepicguruPenpusher
Two unlikely partners, whom have the ability to bend space, time, and travel universes endlessly, must learn the secrets of the universe to harness their powers while being hunted down by their future selves to prevent them from creating a cosmic and catastrophic nightmare.
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First, it should be ‘who’ not ‘whom’ because the two partners are performing the action. But anyway, there is no inciting incident. Why do they need to harness their powers? Just a thought, but perhaps the main characters are overpowered. So in the future they make a mistake, and then they have to the power to travel back in time to prevent them from making that mistake? That means that they don’t have to face the consequences of their actions.?What need do they have for traveling universes endlessly? I’m not saying it won’t work, but maybe just think about it.
It seems like it could be an interesting premise, but the logline needs some work.
What is the specific flaw these hyper-super-duper beings ?have that makes them such a potential threat to the cosmos? ?And what is the specific nature of the “cosmic and catastrophic nightmare”? ?And how is it possible for their “future selves” to have escaped this “cosmic and catastrophic nightmare”?
The whole premise seems to involve a lot of pseudo-scientific magic, requires an audience to suspend a lot of disbelief. ?A lot. ?Maybe too much.
Sounds like two Doctors to me…
Similarities to one of the most successful franchises ever aside, the logline lacks detail and as DPG wrote,? contains many complex logic questions.
For example, what does “…learn the secrets of the universe…” mean? Or why unlikely partners? Why two main characters and not one? Why do they need to harness their powers do they not already have them?
Clarity is key for this concept. If possible, try to break it down to its most simple elements and describe them from a single character’s point of view.
As Nir Shelter said: ?simplicity. ?I shudder to think of how much exposition it would take, how minutes of screen time, ?to set up the situation, explain all the magic to an audience.? Let alone the time it’s going to take to?explain it to a producer or director in a story pitch.??
Simplify, simplify, simplify. ?Less is more.