Penpusher
Posted: 2021-10-13T04:38:07+10:00 In:

Unable to conceive children and desperate to be a mother, a gifted young teacher comes to work for a family that has been beset by tragedy and serendipitously changes all their lives for the better

A Garden Upstairs

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    3 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      I think you have to work with the word “comes to”… this has to be a something she has to do … or else…

      So maybe something like..

      Unable to conceive children and desperate to be a mother, a young teacher loses her job and therefor comes to work for a man and his disciplined children while he looks for a suitable wife.

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    2. Logliner

      *widower man (of course)

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    3. Samurai

      This is what I’m able to glean:
      “A barren teacher …”

      Teachers – known to be swimming in kids 😉. How’s this family is going to provide a fix for her “desperate to be a mother” situation?

      Show don’t tell the tragedy and her goal. As a reader, you cannot envision what “change all their lives for the better” will look like on the screen.

      Hope you find this constructive, keep going.

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