One Unforgettable Season
carllordLogliner
When a basketball star learns of his own childhood abduction, his guilty mother becomes an insidious rival, jeopardizing his shot at championship glory.
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This is the clearest and best version of this logline so far, but the word “rival” is throwing me off. Is she actually going to play basketball against him? If not, she’s not a rival. Would ‘obstacle’ or ‘distraction’ be more appropriate?
Since I came from a sports background, a “rival” to me was someone who was disliked, and posed the biggest threat to a great season or championship trophy. Of course, I don’t want there to be any confusion on the part of the reader, so I will so what other descriptions I can come up with. Thank you for the suggestion.
As Clipper announcer Ralph Lawler says, “Bingo! Three points for the big man!”
I don’t think rival necessarily implies basketball, at least that wasn’t my impression. Perhaps “enemy” or “adversary” is better.
Good job, nice work!
Great points, Debbie and Geno. The word “rival” is a bit confusing. When I looked up the definition used as a noun in the dictionary, it says “a person who is competing for the same object or goal as another, or who tries to equal or outdo another; competitor.” If you look at a thesaurus, other terms for rival are “opponent,” “enemy,” “adversary,” etc. Whew! Maybe others will have a different take?