When a black 10 yr old boy?s father is abducted in apartheid South Africa he must use his lucid dreams to free his father and seek refuge in Australia.
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When a black 10 yr old boy?s father is abducted in apartheid South Africa he must use his lucid dreams to free his father and seek refuge in Australia.
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This only makes the logline more complicated than before. How does he use his dreams?
Dpg’s version in the last version took it to the essentials.
I would prefer him to prevail by dint of his wits, resourcefulness and courage without the recourse to “magic”, in this case, some kind of prescience through second sight lucid dreams. ?(As I am a lucid dreamer, I am well aware of its allure — and limits to its application in real life.)
But it’s your story.
Gstar, it’s best to post revisions of a logline under the same thread, this way we can track the concept and logline changes.
About the concept, it sounds as if you want to use the high stakes of a black person being healed against their will during the apartheid. This is the back drop to the story which inherently provides clearly understood practical, social and political obstacles. In order to do this efficiently though, I think you should work backwards starting with?the boy’s goal and exploring logical/practical actions, instead of trying to cram a supernatural element into the story.
It reads as if there are two goals – to escape the apartheid and to save the father. I think best if only one was mentioned in the logline, otherwise it just clouds the concept.
Secondly, as DPG said, it would make for a more compelling story if the boy would rely on his ingenuity and resourcefulness rather than intangible ?dreams.?The cause and effect in a logical sense is held in doubt – father gets taken and the first thing the boy does is dream? I would much rather see the boy plan a rescue mission to break the father out than see him dream.
>> on actual events that occurred during that period
Good. ? That’s a selling point, a strong element in favor of the story.
>>>but as old as I am I still believe in magic,
But, alas, that’s not the primary factor to consider. The more important one is whether the target audience for the movie will believe in magic.
And, in modern drama the rule of the thumb is that the protagonist should get no lucky breaks, have no lucky magic that enables him to solve problems and win his objective goal. ?He must win success the old fashioned way by hard work, resourcefulness and courage.
There are ?two exceptions to that rule:
1] a protagonist may have a magical gift if and only if the antagonist — his most dangerous adversary — likewise has the same magical gift. ?Example: ?”Star Wars: The New Hope”. ?Luke Skywalker has the gift of the Force. ?And so does Darth Vader. ?And Darth Vader has lots of experience, has had a lot of time to develop his skill. ?Luke Skywalker hasn’t; he’s a beginner in desperate need of a mentor/master to get him ?to the Master level if he is to have any hope of prevailing.
2] The gift comes with a corresponding curse or downside that threatens not only to defeat the protagonist but destroy him or her. ?This is a standard operating “feature” of special gifts or powers in mythology. ?Cassandra is blessed with the gift of ?foretelling the future — and cursed with the fate that nobody will believe her prophesies. ?Midas gets his wish granted so that he can turn everything he touches to gold — which means he is doomed to starve to death because all the food he touches turns to inedible gold.
And in our contemporary super-hero stories, the element kryptonite renders Superman a mere mortal; it takes away his super-human powers.
To give the protagonist a magical power that no one else possesses, ?that has no curse or downside, ?that the protagonist can pull out of the hat like a rabbit whenever he needs it, ?smacks of a “deus ex machina“. ?That is not a ?selling point for a story but a deal killer, a serious liability. ?A “deus ex machina”, magical gimmick makes the solution to the plot problem contrived and it diminishes suspense.
Just saying.
BTW: ?do you have personal experiences lucid dreams?
Hi Gstar
To clarify I misspelt held as healed so what I meant was “?held against his will?”.
Regarding the magic power, what I meant was that the magical element doesn’t relate to the theme, subject matter or character and therefore feels like an “add on” element. In good fantasy stories magic powers are normally integrated into the fabric of the character as a necessity of their existence for example; Gandalf is a wizard – no magic power no Gandalf, Luke is the son of the most powerful Jedi in that galaxy (soon to fight his father) – no magic power no Jedi Luke and E.T is an alien from outer space – no magic power and he’s just a strange looking turtle man. Super hero stories differ as they often dwell on the origin story of the characters, and as a result produce entire films based on these backstories to explain the super powers.
Your story has already got high stakes and clear obstacles, therefore I don’t see the need for magic powers. however if you do insist on including them, perhaps best to change the character to a local tribe’s shaman, or something to that effect, so as to make the magic called for by the character’s very nature.