Penpusher
Posted: 2018-06-09T15:47:45+10:00 In:

When a bookshop goes bankrupt, life is thrown into uncertainty for those who call it home. ‘D’ is eager to win a chance to launch her music career and finally escape her crippling double life. ‘B’ has a fatal secret she keeps from her surrogate children and sets out on a personal quest. While ‘W’ just lets life pass him by as he’s forced to come to grips with his sexuality and the prospect of his father never coming back for him.

When a bookshop goes bankrupt, life is thrown into uncertainty for those who call it home. ‘D’ is eager to win a chance to launch her music career and finally escape her crippling double life. ‘B’ has a fatal secret she keeps from her surrogate children and sets out on a personal quest. While ‘W’ just lets life pass him by as he’s forced to come to grips with his sexuality and the prospect of his father never coming back for him.
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    6 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      Well, it is a way of representation. Your writing does sound better.

      But I am unsure if these stories connect. A concise idea can be: ‘When life problems overwhelm, four stories share a fate as they journey towards self-enlightenment.’ (This is not a proper way to write it but nevertheless…)

      For this instance, forget about word limit, try to put a closure to your logline.

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    2. Singularity

      What IS the unifying theme?

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    3. Penpusher

      I’d say it’s interesting, but it could be shorter, something along the lines of “The bookstore employee’s are forced to confront the future and the past.”

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    4. Singularity

      It’s fairly SOP in drama that characters have to confront their futures as well as their past.? What’s so different about that confrontation in this story? IOW:? what’s the story hook?

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    5. Singularity

      In its current form this logline lacks most of its necessary components, so it’s hard to make any useful suggestions at this stage.
      Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar to learn more about loglines conventions.

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    6. Singularity

      This logline presents a scenario with three protagonists in three story threads running in tandem.? The standard logline formula doesn’t apply.

      What is needed is a logline that ties the story threads together, a unifying theme, dramatic problem, objective goal.? Right now, I don’t see what the unifying factor is other than that they all worked at the same place — but that only applies to the 1st Act.? After that, the characters and their action lines seem to scatter to the wind.

      What is the unifying? factor that ties story threads together for the rest of the film?

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