When a broken hearted assault victim finds self-defence classes, a hidden talent for martial arts is unlocked. Her powers are challenged by an enemy Kung Fu clan who seek to destroy her and the school. (Revised edition).
NinaSLogliner
When a broken hearted assault victim finds self-defence classes, a hidden talent for martial arts is unlocked. Her powers are challenged by an enemy Kung Fu clan who seek to destroy her and the school. (Revised edition).
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“When her martial arts school is attacked, a former assault victim with a knack for self-defense must…” (Then tell us what she must do)
Why do the enemy clan want to destroy her and the school? A good way to make sure your villains are 3 dimensional is to write a logline from their perspective too. All the best villains have rational motives even if the audience doesn’t necessarily agree with them.
I think her journey from victim to empowered is great! I just feel like we need to understand what she’s fighting for. If this fight puts her life on the line then why wouldn’t she just walk away? Why does she have to fight?
This does sound remarkably similar to The Karate Kid now – bullied kid finds martial arts and has to compete against the bullying rival clan. What’s the hook? What makes this story unique?
The “When a broken hearted assault victim finds self-defence classes, a hidden talent for martial arts is unlocked” bit feels either like a backstory or irrelevant, unless you suggest that the clan is associated with her assault.