Samurai
Posted: 2017-01-27T01:50:34+10:00 In:

When a college-dropout moves to Montana to work at a Honky Tonk, he meets a broke cowgirl and falls in love, only to find out that they both compete at a local poetry slam contest for a literature scholarship and a new life.

When a college-dropout moves to Montana to work at a Honky Tonk, he meets a broke cowgirl and falls in love, only to find out that they both compete at a local poetry slam contest for a literature scholarship and a new life.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      Your logline is too dense with information. ?Brushstrokes only. ?Forgo the fine details.

      “A college dropout new to Montana falls for a broke cowgirl ? then discovers?she’s competing against him for the grand prize?at the local poetry slam.”

      44 words to 26, now readable and digestible.

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    2. Singularity

      Loglines are made from details – clear details.

      The first part of the logline is the back story and can be cut, the story really only starts after one of two incidents; either after they discover that they’re competing against each other or after they fall in love.

      The choice of which event is the inciting incident comes down to the genre, if this is a romance (as stated in the OP) then the inciting incident should be them falling in love. However, if this is a drama, then it should be the lovers’ discovery of their contradicting ambitions.
      You could make it a romance story – the inciting incident of them falling in love, and then have their competition against each other as a complication, perhaps as a mid act 2 reversal.? But right now it reads as if them falling in love is a given part of the back story, not a main event of the main story.

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