When a corporate party is interrupted by overdosed terrorists, a party member races against the clock to save the others and the building before going blind and losing the building in an explosion that could wipe out half the city and the tracks of the terrorists.
LeviathanSamurai
When a corporate party is interrupted by overdosed terrorists, a party member races against the clock to save the others and the building before going blind and losing the building in an explosion that could wipe out half the city and the tracks of the terrorists.
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I think, with another adjective of how it?s interrupted and some character info, I?d personally call it just right.
He’s been beaten “within an inch of his life” — but he’s still able to “race against the clock” to save everyone else — and the building, no less?
And meanwhile the antagonist goes unidentified, gets away?
“When the Nakatomi building is taken over by terrorists on Christmas Eve, a New York cop with bloody feet must play bad Santa if he’s to stop their plan and to save his estranged wife.”
This is confusing for a few reasons – agreed with DPG.
Also, what’s the source of conflict and danger? Who’s putting the buidling at risk? In other words, whoever crashed the party is the antagonist and the party crash is the inciting incident, best you reword the logline accordingly.
Ok, fair enough.
How about something like this?
When a corporate party is violently disrupted by armed drunks, a timid employee, left for dead, must find reluctant allies and the courage to fight back, before losing his mind to the drug keeping him alive.