When a desperate father loses access to his only child, he attempts to take matters into his own hands, only to find himself taken hostage by his vindictive ex-wife.
Jordan PittPenpusher
When a desperate father loses access to his only child, he attempts to take matters into his own hands, only to find himself taken hostage by his vindictive ex-wife.
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This is a great start, and it does pique interest. If fleshed out properly this could make for a very great screenplay.
“he attempts to take matters into his own hands”
I feel this is too vague as well……what “MUST” he do?
“taken hostage?”
Again, what does this mean…..physical, mental…psychological?
Feuding parents has been done before, and very well (Kramer v Kramer for one), I tend to agree with DPG the kidnapping parents adds a hook of interest. I suggest re-thinking this concept with the idea that the mother taking the father is the inciting incident. I’d also raise the stakes and make it more than one child.
For example:
After being taken hostage by his ex-wife a father who lost custody must break free to save his children.
I beg to differ, somewhat. I think that being taken hostage is not only a complication, it’s the story hook. It’s what sets the story apart from other family feuds. (It’s a much more interesting situation than the father trying to collect evidence against his ex.)
I agree the details need to be clarified and the action line tweaked. “He attempts to take matters into his own hands”– what does that mean? And in drama, and loglines, a character doesn’t “attempt”. A character does. So exactly what does “take matters into his own hands” mean?
And who is really the protagonist in this family feud, the father or the mother? Or, perchance, is it the child? What is the child’s reaction to being caught in crossfire of his feuding parents?
I think there’s potential for an interesting drama, but the concept, so far, seems to be a diamond in the rough. It needs polishing.
Specifically, the logline needs to indicate where the story is going after the kidnapping. That doesn’t mean giving away the ending. ?But it does mean indicating what is going to happen in the 2nd Act besides the couple shouting at each other. ?IOW: ?the mother takes hostage of the father — then what? ?If it’s her story, what does she intend to do after taking him hostage — why is she taking him hostage? ?If it’s his story, ?what must he do after he’s taken hostage?
Who’s in the driver seat of the plot? ?And in what direction is she or he driving?
fwiw
“When a desperate father loses access to his only child, he attempts to take matters into his own hands, only to find himself taken hostage by his vindictive ex-wife.”
‘Access’ may be a little too vague. Does that mean he loses custody? Is there a restraining order meaning he legally isn’t allowed to see his child?
‘He attempts to take matters into his own hands’ is also vague. Take what matters into his own hands? To do what? Kill someone?
The last part is a complication in the script and doesn’t need to be included in the logline. It only raises more questions. What motive does the wife-who presumably has custody of the child- have to take him hostage? What does he do as a result of being taken hostage?
Here’s an example:?When a desperate father loses custody of his child, he must gather evidence that his ex-wife is unfit to be child’s guardian.?(23)
The inciting incident and goal should have a reciprocal relationship. The inciting incident should logically lead to the goal, and more than that, convincingly motivate it, and the goal should easily be tracked back to the inciting incident. ?The action in your logline should be specific and should draw out an idea of the plot of the story.
I hope this helps.