When a family-less teenage Jewish boy encounters a girl depicted as Jewish and promises to be together before he is sent to a Nazi camp, he gets help from a Commandant to be acknowledged she is Hitler?s daughter, but he decides to keep the promise and find her out.
AndrewriterPenpusher
When a family-less teenage Jewish boy encounters a girl depicted as Jewish and promises to be together before he is sent to a Nazi camp, he gets help from a Commandant to be acknowledged she is Hitler?s daughter, but he decides to keep the promise and find her out.
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Hi Andrew,
All the comments that were given to your previous logline drafts of this same concept still apply – without exception.
This could mean one of two things, either you’re not implementing the advice given to you or there are some fundamental flaws in this concept.
Either way, I strongly suggest you studdy all the great advice given to you already to figure out which it is and make the necessary adjustments.
Andrew,
Try this technique,
What you’ve written is how you would explain your story while riding in an elevator and pitching to a director.
What you need to write is a stripped down, basic explanation of what (1) sets your main story into motion, (2) what your main character is challenged with, and (3) what he must do before something serious and final occurs to the universe your MC resides in.
Hi Andre,
Reading your logine is confusing. It’s more of a beginning of a story and not a logline. As much as I understand it, a logline should be concise and should reflect the full range of what the movie is about. In your logline I get lost in the details and do not get the full picture of who is the protagonist, who is the antagonist and what is the?protagonist wants and what does he need to reach the goal.
All in all I would sum up my feedback to a very short sentence – “you lost the forest due to?too many trees”…