Logliner
Posted: 2017-02-27T20:49:53+10:00 In:

when a freedom believer urges his tribe to be free, he gets caught by another tribe to be sold asa slave .

when a freedom believer urges his tribe to be free, he gets caught by another tribe to be sold asa slave .
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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Agreed with the above comments.

      Not much to add other than loglines are best used for framing a plot, to that matter think of it as a statement that clearly defines the start (inciting incident) and end (goal) of a story. When you write descriptions such as “…when a freedom believer urges his tribe to be free…” as the start of your story it doesn’t describe a specific event, and therefore doesn’t describe a good start point for your story – it’s vague.

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    2. Samurai

      After a ?tribal Elder in 1800’s Ghana?escapes his captors, ?he becomes?the sole?vocal??abolitionist in his tribe., but rivals within the clan aren’t so easy to give up the spoils of inter-tribal slavery

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    3. Singularity

      This is a good ironic setup for a plot. ?The stakes are clear and high: his freedom. ?

      What’s missing from the logline is the course of action that drives the rest of the plot. ?That is, what does he do, what must he do after being captured and sold as a slave?

      The logline needs to indicate where the story is going after he’s captured and sold? Is the plot about a protagonist who struggles to escape before he’s shipped off? ?Struggles to survive the “middle passage”? ?Struggles to survive as a slave in the US or Caribbean or Brazil or wherever he ends up? ?What is the story about?

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    4. Logliner

      i find a few questions can really tease out what might benefit from going into the logline:

      What’s his specific goal here? is it to escape? or is it bigger than that?
      How?does the ‘urging his tribe to be free’ connect to him being caught by another tribe?
      What’s most especially interesting about this character inthe context of the incitingincident and the specific goal?
      who is the antagonist?

      For me this logline makes me imagine that most of the movie is our?protaginst struggling to escape – is that what’s intended?

      good luck!

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