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GStarLogliner
Posted: April 11, 20162016-04-11T00:01:27+10:00 2016-04-11T00:01:27+10:00In: Student Loglines

When a gay out of control teenager is kicked out of home, he escapes to L.A. determined to become a porn star but when his lover dies from a drug overdose he embarks upon a spiritual quest that leads him to Bali with the only chance he has left to save his life.

When a gay out of control teenager is kicked out of home, he escapes to L.A. determined to become a porn star but when his lover dies from a drug overdose he embarks upon a spiritual quest that leads him to Bali with the only chance he has left to save his life.
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    1. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2016-04-11T17:53:46+10:00Added an answer on April 11, 2016 at 5:53 pm

      Gstar I am confused, it looks as if you posted a revision for the same logline three times before receiving any feedback.
      Which of the three versions do you want help with?
      For purpose of this post I’m assuming the latest version.

      If you look at the end of the logline, it reads as if his goal is to save his life. However, up to that point in the logline you hadn’t mentioned a risk to his life. In other words, the cause and effect relationship between the goal (to save his life) and the events the preceded it seems flawed.

      Has he contracted an STD? Is he hooked on drugs? Is he suicidal? What ever it is that puts his life at risk , needs to be elaborated on in the beginning of the logline as it is the inciting incident of the story.

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