Penpusher
Posted: 2016-11-10T02:52:01+10:00 In:

When a graffiti outbreak in a small town corresponds with recent child abductions in the county, a nerdy teenage boy has to crack the codes to save the children and become the town hero.

When a graffiti outbreak in a small town corresponds with recent child abductions in the county, a nerdy teenage boy has to crack the codes to save the children and become the town hero.
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    7 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Samurai

      Well I certainly learnt from this example. My take would be:

      When a nerdy teenager’s sister becomes another abductee, he must first crack the clues ?in a graffiti outbreak to attempt a rescue.

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    2. Best Answer
      Uberwriter

      I would start with Believing a graffiti outbreak is connected to recent child abductions a nerdy teen sets out to break the code and save the children.

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    3. Best Answer
      Singularity

      I agree that, as a general rule –but not an, inflexible, inviolate one — an inciting incident should hit “close to home”. ?[But more importantly, the 1st 10 pages must open in a way that grabs attention.] ?

      In this case, it seems to me the wording of the logline would depend on where writer intends the emphasis to be in the inciting incident. ?And what is the teen’s character flaw.

      Is the teen’s action motivated as a result of the abduction hitting close to home, when a loved one disappears — and then the graffiti comes to his attention? ?If so, ?what character flaw does the inciting incident attack that he must overcome to solve the case?

      Or is the teen absorbed in his own world and thoughts, indifferent to the abductions going on around him, but (character reversal) ?gets involved when it dawns on him that the graffiti is not a coincidence? He has to overcome his character flaw, introverted self-absorption, to solve the mystery.

      I can see the plot being kicked off in several ways, a testament, I think, to the viability of the overall premise.

      Back to what has become Question #1 for me for every logline I read: ?what is the hook? ?The case to be solved or the character who solves it, who realizes the abductions and graffiti are related? ?For me, it’s the latter.?

      fwiw

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    4. Best Answer
      Singularity

      The more impactful the inciting incident, the more compelling the plot as a whole. Best to make the inciting incident ‘hit close to home’ and make the stakes personal, delaying the involvement of a family member/loved one will only delay the association of primal needs for the main character.
      The added complication in act 2 could be the discovery of a life threat to the abductees, which raises the stakes even higher – no one ever complains that a movie has too high a stakes…

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    5. Best Answer
      Singularity

      I do not think the inciting incident is weak. ?I would hold back the abduction of a family member (or a love interest) until late in the 2nd Act, a shocking complication that escalates the stakes, makes it more urgent for him to decrypt the graffiti, id and find the culprit.

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    6. Best Answer
      Singularity

      The inciting incident is weak – him realizing that something may relate to events that are otherwise entirely unrelated to him comes across as convenient writing and un compelling.
      Why not make it so his sister or brother get abducted, and he now is on a mission to find get him or her back. This will also enhance the town folks doubt of him , they could think that in his desperation he sees clues everywhere but it turns out he was right all along.

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    7. Best Answer
      Singularity

      How about something like:
      When a nerdy teen realizes cryptic graffiti contain clues to a series of child abductions he must struggle alone to crack the code and rescue the children because no one believes him.
      (32 words)

      Or maybe:

      A nerdy teen struggles alone to crack the code in cryptic graffiti because no one believes him that they are clues to a series of child abductions.
      (27 words)

      Although that may be too succinct.

      Whatever, in drama ?”become a town hero” is never the direct, overt objective goal. ?It’s the reward that accrues from ?achieving the objective goal which in this case is cracking the code, ?apprehending the villain, saving the children.

      ?And ?the setting, a small town, while germane to the script is not necessary to include in ?the logline. ?Rather, I suggest that a more important factor is the ?initial obstacle to achieving his objective goal: ?no one believes him. ?He must endure the slings and arrows of derision and rejection by his peers and his elders. ?He must trust his intuition, his own intelligence in defiance of what everyone else thinks and says.

      Anyway, I think this has the makings for an interesting movie that would appeal to the all-important youth market. ?Best wishes with your writing.

      fwiw

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