When a guy finds the courage for a routine procedure that goes wrong, he must fight inner demons or become another unwilling donor in a human chop shop.
ashturnerPenpusher
When a guy finds the courage for a routine procedure that goes wrong, he must fight inner demons or become another unwilling donor in a human chop shop.
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Not sure what any of this means. You should add some more specifics.
A guy? Be more specific, a grizzly fire fighter, a timid banker? an angry hippy?
Finds the courage? not sure what that means in the context of the story
Routine procedure? What procedure? A appendectomy? A penis enlargement?
Must fight inner demons? huh? How does this have anything to do with the rest of the logline.
Be a little more specific if you want to connect with your reader.
Agreed with Richieve.
You may want to check out the Training tab on the top bar for more details on logline best practice.
“a guy” — Too vague.
“routine procedure” — I disagree with Richiev here…we don’t need to know what the procedure is, it’s just going to add more words and become more of a reason for people to pick this apart.
“fight inner demons” — Makes me think this is a story where we go into his mind while he lays on the operating table, and it turns into a “fantasy” setting. If that’s the case, I’m intrigued. Either way, I think you can find a better way to word it.
“human chop shop” — Calls into question the legitimacy of the hospital/surgeon. It implies that the nightmare-scenario is more than his “inner demons,” which is good, but I feel a disconnect between the two that I can’t really explain.