Penpusher
Posted: 2012-11-25T03:43:30+10:00 In:

When a heartbroken man gets a number to long lost love, his brother steps in to stop him from facing a truth that would devastate him forever.

Brother of Fear

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    3 Reviews

    1. You’re not telling me enough to care (i.e. I’m not hooked) about the devastating truth or the two brothers or the lost love (Right now I’m wondering how long is long?) The BROTHER OF FEAR title does add a little intrigue.

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    2. I think the logline still needs more clarifications. For instance, the “number”, that’s not explanatory enough. The major character i believe is the heartbroken man, in that case you should give him a clear goal, what he intends to achieve. Is he trying to contact the long lost love to renew the relationship?. What made him heartbroken in the first place.Then i also think the long lost love should have a better description,probably a deceptive girlfriend, a selfish lover or something that will spur enough interest just like Cynosurer has just said.Make it generate more interest. In all it should be a good story when all these questions have been addressed particularly in the logline

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    3. Thanks for your comments! What I didn’t mention is that this is a short film so the story is more around one situation where the protagonist struggles to make the call to the girl of his life who apparently left him years ago. The brother tries to stop him from taking contact with her again, since he knows that he will become heartbroken again…. I will start with the log-line next time 😀 (but its my first short, so Im prepared it will suck 🙂

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