Samurai
Posted: 2019-03-10T04:42:45+10:00 In:

When a legendary assassin gets involved with his adversary’s daughter, he must fight for his life, taking on the adversary and multiple assassins, not aware that she may be his saving grace to survive and gain a strong ally.

When a legendary assassin gets involved with his adversary’s daughter, he must fight for his life, taking on the adversary and multiple assassins, not aware that she may be his saving grace to survive and gain a strong ally.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      At the beginning of the logline, the lead character has an adversary. Then he gets involved with his adversary’s daughter and they are still adversaries… So nothing has changed. They start out as adversaries and continue to be adversaries.

      So my question is, what has changed due to the inciting incident? I think if you focus on what changes and not what stays the same you will strengthen your logline.

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    2. Uberwriter

      It seems headed towards an anticlimactic resolution. So he doesn’t yet know about her and in knowing this lies his chance of survival, but that’s not very proactive or dramatic.
      You are missing on the Inciting Incident & him getting involved with her is clearly not it, since that changes nothing for him (as pointed by Richiev).

      • 0