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socs_123Logliner
Posted: June 23, 20182018-06-23T07:55:47+10:00 2018-06-23T07:55:47+10:00In: Horror

When a local hotel hires a member on staff to be a ?professional sleeper? to test their bedding, he becomes haunted by a rusty old mattress.

When a local hotel hires a member on staff to be a ?professional sleeper? to test their bedding, he becomes haunted by a rusty old mattress.
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    6 Reviews

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    1. Richiev Singularity
      2018-06-23T10:04:34+10:00Added an answer on June 23, 2018 at 10:04 am

      This is another logline where your premise could work but the logline doesn’t.

      Stories have to have an internal logic to them.

      It defies logic that a hotel would have enough money to hire a professional sleeper, (At 10 dollars an hour that is 80 dollars a night at least) but allows guest to sleep on a rusty-old-mattress they could replace for a couple hundred bucks. (or cheaper if they got it wholesale)

      So logically, if the hotel cared enough to hire a professional sleeper, they would have already changed out the rusty old mattress

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    2. Richiev Singularity
      2018-06-23T10:14:15+10:00Added an answer on June 23, 2018 at 10:14 am

      “When an entity traps him in his?hotel room, a professional sleeper must discover the beings origins if he is to defeat the malevolent?creature.”

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    3. variable Uberwriter
      2018-06-23T13:52:45+10:00Added an answer on June 23, 2018 at 1:52 pm

      (Beyond the seemingly obvious relatedness…)
      “When a local hotel hires a professional sleeper” seems disconnected to “him being haunted by a rusty old mattress”
      i.e., what did he do to deserve “the wrath of the mattress” (possible title)

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    4. TullyArcher Samurai
      2018-06-28T02:11:04+10:00Added an answer on June 28, 2018 at 2:11 am

      Do you mean horror/COMEDY?

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    5. giannisggeorgiou Samurai
      2018-09-15T07:14:35+10:00Added an answer on September 15, 2018 at 7:14 am

      Why a professional sleeper? Why not a visitor/customer?

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    6. giannisggeorgiou Samurai
      2018-09-15T07:16:19+10:00Added an answer on September 15, 2018 at 7:16 am

      Why a “professional sleeper” and not a visitor/customer?

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