When a master assassin\'s family is captured by an evil king he must commit a series of murders whilst trying to free his family and escape

Your protagonist’s arc is unclear to me. All I know right now is that he starts the film at the top of his game. What’s the character flaw that he’s going to work through before the end of the story?

The stakes and goal are clear. Murder a bunch of people for a king he doesn’t like. Obviously his family’s life hangs in the balance, and he wants to rescue them. This part works.

Here’s my question, and what could prove to be the hook in this loglin: Why would a king need to blackmail an assassin into killing people? Isn’t that what the assassin does AS HIS JOB? Why doesn’t the king just pay him, and why doesn’t the assassin just take the job?

Sounds better – “retired” indicates that he has left the life, and is being forced against his will back into it, so we have a good indication of conflict that’s likely to arise.

Is there some way, without divulging too much, that you can make it clear who the targets of the murders will be? A series of murders, for instance, is less enticing, than say, the murder of every member of a rival royal bloodline, or the murder of the king’s illegitimate children.

Also – instead of “whilst trying to free his family and escape,” does it work if you change it to “in order to free his family and escape”? It strengthens the connection between the two concepts, and makes it clear that the choice is “do this thing that the protag now finds ethically problematic,” or else “the protag’s family will remain in danger.”