When a misguided and socially frustrated young Muslim is manipulated online by a violent female imposter this nerve-shredding urban drama constructs a series of events that entwines the stringent crimes of some of modern societies most deviant personalities.
A_R_RoadLogliner
When a misguided and socially frustrated young Muslim is manipulated online by a violent female imposter this nerve-shredding urban drama constructs a series of events that entwines the stringent crimes of some of modern societies most deviant personalities.
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You should write the logline from the point of view of the lead character not the point of view of a narrator.
wouldn’t the purpose be to elaborate an abbreviated perspective of the overall concept??I’m aware that the protagonist needs to b elevated in the description, in this case, the log line opens with his primary involvement in the film .
Is it the reference to the “review like” comment (nerve-shredding drama) that throws you to the pov of a narrator?
Here would be an example of a logline told from the point of view of the lead character: Your logline would probably be different because I am not sure of the exact plot details of your story.
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“When he’s bullied online, a misguided Muslim seeks to discover the identity of the female imposter harassing him, in order to get revenge.”
As Richiev said.? The industry standard is to compose the logline from the point of view of the protagonist.
And in this instance, “… a series of events….”? is general, uninformative.? We have no idea what the protagonist’s objective goal becomes as a result of being manipulated. Indeed as currently framed, the main character is more puppet than protagonist, more acted upon than acting.? For better or worse, a protagonist must be proactive, not reactive, not responding to the actions and influences of others.
Consult? the “Our formula” link at the top of the web page for the guidelines for writing an industry standard logline.
Agreed with Richieve and DPG.
I’ll add that the different parts of your story machine don’t seem to fit together.
How does the MC being misguided, socially frustrated, young, and Muslim all work together in creating an obstacle for him or a character arc? And what is his need or want or goal?
The way you have written your logline makes the plot sounds like a series of episodic events. What is the key question underpinning this story? It would be useful to make this come out in the logline. And as the other comments have stated, to redraft the logline form the protagonist’s viewpoint, assumed here to be the ‘misguided and socially frustrated young muslim’. Not sure which of these descriptions of the protagonist are pivotal to the story. Worth looking at which are the most meaningful descriptors from the story’s perspective, and only including those. Is the violent female imposter the antagonist? What is the protagonist’s objective or goal, and how does the antagonist get in his way?
Explanatory text such as ‘ this nerve shredding drama’ is more for marketing hype than of value in a logline, so there is scope to reduce the length of your logline and focus it on the story itself – what does the protagonist learn or overcome in order for the film to reach its climax, what is the hook, and what is the story really about? At this stage, I don’t see a clear story in it. Hope this is helpful. Good luck with it.